Darling husbands out there, this post is for you! There is a trick you need to know…it can just be our little secret if you like, but I promise you, learning this trick will make your life so much easier! Oh I know, we women seem so hard to understand at times, and often ‘never satisfied’…but that is mostly because you don’t know the trick yet…are you ready? Here it is…do not put on the Mr. Fixit Hat unless requested!!
This is so easy! When your wife talks about her day, or a certain situation in her life, most of the time she is just hungry for someone to listen! You see, we women are amazing creatures! We come to conclusions by accident really, because we speak things until they resolve out there in the air. You genius men usually think first, then speak… a waste of time in our book, but that is part of the fabulous variety and attraction between us; so we better get used to it.
Here’s the deal. When your lady is telling you her feelings, or the events most current on her fertile mind, and you offer a solution, that is like throwing cold water on her process of understanding. Your well intentioned ‘suggestions’ invalidate her as a person. It is like saying, “Stop! You cannot figure out anything without me, so don’t even try!” Conversation stoppers; that is what sweet Mr. Fixits offer, and they don’t even mean to cause a problem; they are just trying to help…the trick is to know when she needs help and when she just needs to talk it out into the air.
Hubby and I have a little code we use for this now. He will ask if he needs to get his Mr. Fixit hat for this conversation. I can say yes or no. Most of the time I just want him to listen, then carry on a regular conversation. It is still a challenge to communicate between the sexes however, but this little trick has helped us.
The next hurdle is body language! Men! Listen to me on this! When your wife starts to share something with you, and you look out the window, check your phone, or close your eyes and yawn…peace and harmony have just vacated your home! Be Careful! We are watching! Eye contact, active listening, a carefully placed nod and even just a grunt of understanding will do wonders. We will be done soon.
Some of the air has to come out of the balloon before more can be added. Just give us your attention for a little bit. I promise, there will be plenty of dragons to slay, and plenty of things to ‘fix’ as we travel this road together, but we ladies need your ears sometimes so we can let some of the air out of our balloons to make room for your strong wisdom and leadership.
When we need something fixed, we can hand you the hat.