I learned the hard way about relationships. When children are raised without a father figure in their home, relationships as an adult can be quite confusing. In fact, Steve and I were married for several years before I realized men think differently than women! What a revelation that was for me! “You mean men actually have to think before they speak?” To me that was a needles waste of time because simply opening my mouth and letting the words come out was as easy as breathing…surely EVERYONE does that! Right? Wrong! I learned to wait for him.
When one person respectfully waits for a response from another person, no matter how many minutes that may take, the relationship is strengthened. I think we are too demanding, especially of the men folk, and that increases their frustration level and drives them into silence just for self-protection. Just patiently wait for a response and see what peace fills those moments! The other person (male or female) feels heard, respected and understood simply by us falling into a silence that honors their thought process. (They also will race home from work to be with you when they really trust that you will give them time to share their heart without rushing.)
Another helpful relationship builder is to wake up every morning and think of sometime loving to do for your special someone, or someones. Fix an extra special lunch with a love note on the napkin. Iron a golf shirt and hang it in the closet ready for their outing. Fold the clothes with extra care and stack them lovingly on their bed. Send a card in the mail for a surprise. Be creative and make life fun. Remember, children that are respected, show respect. When parents demonstrate genuine love for each other, the children learn how to find that for themselves one day. Be kind and overly kind to those in your household.
Be ready to rejoice when your day brings you back together as a family. Smiles, hugs, laughter and listening ears make for a secure home environment. Play good Christian music in the background of your home. Let the words ring through your days and nights and keep Bibles open all around the house. That scares away the darkness and lends a peace and serenity to your surroundings like nothing else can. Fast often and pray for each other.
When conflict arises, and it always will, honor the others in your home by setting an appointment for the disagreement to be settled away from the contentment of the moment. If you have something to discuss, protect the children from it. They need to be happy and they need to see you happy lest they blame themselves for the trouble. When the conflict is with the children, stop for a moment and really hear all sides; then set a time for further discussion. this gives time for cooler attitudes to prevail and for all to think about solutions.
Women set the tone in the home. The old saying, ‘when mama aint happy, aint nobody happy!” is very true. Ladies can determine the tone in all relationships by using wisdom prayed down from above and by applying a few common sense tactics. Pause and think just how what you about to say or do will affect those you love. Will they be helped or hurt? Will your sarcastic remark leave a scar, or can you speak health and love instead?
So the suggestions I feel will lead to happy and successful relationships on all levels are quite simple: Wait respectfully for others to speak or react. Be intentional about making others happy every day. Rejoice and be glad every time you come together after a time apart. Set appointments for conflict resolutions. Never use sarcasm but let your words bring peace and strength to the hearers. Live, read and display the Word of God in written form and in music to set the tone in the home for spiritual strength and security.
Oh, and three more, take time for one-on-one time with each child, each other, and occasionally with Gramma/mom. 🙂
Learn each other’s love language and endeavor to speak it.
Fast often and pray for each family member every day.